


It's A Mad House

by mcschnuggles



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, CGRE - Caregiver/Age Regressor, Caregiver!Barclay, Caregiver!Stern, Fluff, Gen, Regressing!Aubrey, Regressing!Dani, Regressing!Duck, Regressing!Indrid, Regressing!Jake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25868623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcschnuggles/pseuds/mcschnuggles
Summary: With all five kiddos regressed at once, it's Stern's job to make sure the quieter ones don't get overlooked
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	It's A Mad House

**Author's Note:**

> 100th fic on this account! Woo-hoo!! *throws confetti*

It’s always a crazy day when someone at Amnesty Lodge regresses.

But all four at the same time? Well, that’s just asking for a disaster.

Barclay has his own strategy for dealing with the tinies, which admittedly is a little more strenuous on his part than Mama’s. Mama just prefers to round them all up in one area and not let them leave. Usually she can distract them with a movie or an activity, but Barclay never quite learned her methods well enough, and as a result the kiddos run wild.

Instead, he makes his rounds through the lodge every fifteen minutes to make sure no one’s dying. And considering what Jake and Aubrey get up to, he doesn’t say that lightly. In fact, they’re the primary reason he gets his steps in most days.

“What are you two doing?” Barclay calls.

Jake and Aubrey freeze, knowing they’ve been caught in the act. Aubrey is on Jake’s old skateboard, clearly standing on shaky footing, while Jake holds her hands to keep her from toppling over completely.

“I’m teaching Aubrey how to do a kickflip!” Jake calls back. He offers a lopsided grin, which stretches the neon green Band-aid on his cheek.

Yeah, this is going to require more than a simple check-in. Barclay steps out onto the porch, crossing his arms in his best parental stance. “Are you supposed to be doing that when no one’s supervising?”

Jake has the grace to look chagrined. “Well…no…”

Barclay gives one last glance over his shoulder, like he’ll see Dani running around the corner to tell him Duck is dying or something. Unlikely, since on top of being quiet and well-behaved, Duck and Dani hardly _do_ anything when regressed. Last he checked, Dani was curled up near the radio reading one of the books Indrid had discarded.

Finally, he sighs. “Well, I might as well watch you then. Do you have kneepads?”

Aubrey lights up. Barclay wonders if that’s a side effect of her fire powers, because everything about her just seems to get physically brighter when she smiles like that. Maybe it’s just a trick of the light though.

“Jake, go get your kneepads! Hurry!” Aubrey gives him a little push, which is all the encouragement he needs to launch into a sprint.

“No running in the lodge!” Barclay calls after him, a warning that goes mostly ignored. Aubrey and Jake have a special way of winding each other up that causes inevitable disaster.

“Whoa!” Joseph barely manages to sidestep him as the two cross paths. He’s rather new to the whole cryptid thing, let alone regressing cryptid thing, so the familiar chorus of “no running in the lodge” is compounded by every voice but his. “Should I get the first aid kit?” he jokes.

“Already covered.” Barclay indicates the kit, sitting abandoned on the porch. It’s a time-saving precaution to just leave it within the vicinity of Jake and Aubrey. Sometimes it’s a pain to move it when they go somewhere new, but it’s well worth it knowing how badly hurt Aubrey and Jake can get when they have a game in mind.

Joseph chuckles. “You’ve got a plan for everything, huh?”

“Always.” Barclay slings an arm around Joseph’s shoulders and gives him a little squeeze. “Would you mind checking on the other kiddos? I have a feeling I’ll be here for a little while.” There’s no way in hell Barclay would ask Joseph to look after Aubrey and Jake. That’s just a recipe for disaster. But checking on the quiet kids? Easy. And maybe it’ll give him a chance to finally bond with some of them.

Aubrey and Jake are handfuls, yes, but they’re also very easy to befriend. Give them a pack of gummy worms and suddenly you’re their new best friend. The others are a different story. Sure, Dani’s pretty easy to bond with, but you do need to take the time to sit down and have a conversation with her, and it can be hard to draw her out of her shell.

Duck and Indrid are entirely different stories entirely. Sometimes Barclay isn’t sure that Indrid likes any of them, aside from Duck, which is probably the only reason why he’s here and regressed currently. He doesn’t like the hustle and bustle of Amnesty Lodge, and if he comes by regressed to see other kiddos out and about, nine times out of ten he will turn around and walk right back out. But who knows? Maybe Joseph can bond with him in a way Barclay can’t.

Joseph gives him a goofy thumbs up, one that Barclay can’t help returning.

Yeah, he’s got this.

* * *

Stern’s plan is to search the ground floor and work his way up.

The littler ones usually don’t scheme, unless they’re being put up to it, so they shouldn’t be that hard to find. Meaning that if they aren’t looking for Barclay, which usually only happens in the case of an emergency, the three of them are probably staying relatively still.

He’s passing through one of the smaller sitting rooms when something catches his foot. If it weren’t for his reflexes, he would’ve ended up flat on his face, but he still has to brace himself against the wall to keep from stumbling further.

“What in the world?” he mutters. Wedged between the armchair and the log table is a lump of blankets. With the way it’s puffed up and the indents of the topmost comforter, it looks like a purple criossant.

“Mm?” The offending lump moves, layers of blankets falling back as Indrid blearily looks around. His hair is sticking up on one side, and his glasses sit crookedly on his nose. It takes him a moment to get his bearings and notice the other person in the room. “Oh. Hi, Mr. Stern.”

“Hello, Indrid.” Stern says.

It’s never anything less than formal with Indrid. Even Barclay gets addressed as “Mr. Bigfoot.”

After a beat of silence, Stern crouches down to Indrid’s level. His knees aren’t too happy about this development, but he ignores that for now. “Any particular reason you’re sleeping on the floor?” He’s learned the hard way that it’s no use waiting for Indrid to pick up the conversation. No silence is too long or too awkward for baby Indrid’s tastes.

Indrid pokes a hand out from under the mass of blankets, running his hand along the floor. “Feel it.”

As Stern touches his palm to the floor, he’s stunned to find it’s hot, almost unbearably so.

“’S’above the boiler room.” Indrid mumbles. He adjusts the blankets, looking like a turtle about to go back into its shell. If it weren’t for this conversation, he probably would’ve fallen back asleep already.

“Alright, then.” Stern rises from his crouch. Count on Indrid to find the warmest alcove in the lodge. “I’m sorry for tripping over you.”

“No worries.” Indrid says. He blinks heavily, and it’s a miracle he’s still awake enough to speak. “I saw it coming.”

Right. Mothman. Future vision. Stern doesn’t know how he keeps forgetting that. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it then…”

“Wait.” Indrid unburies one hand from the mass of blankets and holds it out, palm up. “Paci please?”

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that he’s just as little as Duck, if not littler, because of how independent he is. Stern fetches the pacifier from the table, where it sits atop four abandoned books, meaning someone was around to read to him at some point. Indrid loves being read to, but he can never sit through more than a few chapters before his future vision spoils the ending.

Stern takes the pacifier by its ring and passes it over to Indrid. “There you go. Just shout if you need anything, alright?”

“Yup.” Indrid pops the dummy into his mouth and hums happily. “Ni-ni.” He pulls the blanket over his head, disappearing from sight. There’s only a moment’s pause before soft snores start up.

Well, that’s one tiny they don’t need to worry about.

That just leaves Dani and Duck. Dani is usually the oldest, so he’s not too worried about her, but Duck is the youngest and—aside from Indrid—the quietest. If he’s hurting or lonely, Stern won’t know about it until he finds him.

Stern checks their usual haunts. Normally, Duck stays where he’s been put, which is usually either the TV room, the front porch swing, or the front hall with Barclay, but none of those places yield any results.

Dani either likes to stick close to Aubrey or mind her own business. So if she’s not joining in on the chaos—or more often than not, standing wisely out of injury range—she’ll usually be off on her own reading. Usually she picks up Indrid’s scraps before Barclay can return them to the library. Barclay suspects she’s still a little embarrassed about liking kids’ books and is afraid to buy any for herself still.

So she’ll either be in her own room or in one of the lounges, and since Stern’s already covered most of the first and second floors, that really only leaves him with one option.

As he makes it to Dani’s room, two soft voices trail into the hallway. Bingo.

“So then you hold it like this…” Dani is saying. Her voice is higher and softer, meaning that whoever she’s talking to, she’s still regressed. “Now put your hand in.”

There’s a pause.

“Aha! Now you’re stuck! Unless…”

“Unless…?” Duck continues. His voice is always so soft when he regresses, you really have to listen to hear him. Stern breathes a silent sight of relief that they’re together.

Stern shuffles a little closer, trying not to be heard. The two of them are sitting on the edge of Dani’s bed. Just as expected, she has a couple half-finished library books sitting amongst a few pilfered snacks. The snacks would be more concerning if it were anyone else, but Duck has heartburn issues and Dani barely eats anyway, so he knows without looking that it’s nothing more than fruit and granola.

Dani has her back to Stern, so he can’t quite see what she’s doing. “Ta-da! Now pull your hand out.” He does so, and Dani cheers. “Now it’s your turn!”

Dcuk smiles shyly. He keeps his eyes down as he mumbles out a little, “Thanks.”

Dani chuckles. “For what, Ducky?”

“For playin’.”

“Well, I couldn’t just leave you to your own devices.” Dani says. “It’s no fun just watching TV all day.”

Stern flushes with guilt. Out of all the kids, Duck is the one that gets overlooked most often. They don’t mean for it to happen—in fact, he and Barclay have laid out plan after plan to make sure Duck _doesn’t_ get overlooked. The problem is, between Jake and Aubrey, it’s so easy to lose track of everyone. To think the poor baby spent most of the afternoon all by his lonesome… He has to do something nice for Dani, maybe sneak her an extra treat or give her an extra turn picking their movie night.

Stern knocks on the open door. “Mind if I come in?”

Dani grins. “Hi, Uncle Joe!”

“Hey, you two. Are you having crazy adventures without me?”

Dani fondly rolls her eyes. “I was showing Ducky cat’s cradle,” she says. She holds up her hands, twisted up in a string, to prove as much.

“Sounds like fun! How would you two like to come out front with everyone? I’m sure Barclay would love to learn cat’s cradle too.” Stern asks, gathering up the mess of wrappers and dishes.

It’s a natural instinct to tidy up after the little ones, even when they aren’t currently little ones. The fussing drives Jake crazy, and Stern has been kicked out of his room more than once for unwelcome tidying.

“In’ too?” Duck asks.

“No, Indrid’s napping in one of the sitting rooms right now. We’ll check on him before dinner, okay?”

Duck nods and clambers off the bed. Indrid doesn’t like to nap out on the front porch anyway. If the noise weren’t bad enough, the lack of insulation would’ve done it. Even in the summer, the open air is never warm enough for Indrid.

“Take my hand, Ducky, okay?” Dani asks, and he complies with some reluctance. Duck has a habit of getting distracted and lagging behind, so Stern is glad she approached the subject before he could, especially since Duck seems especially attached to her today.

The backyard is luckily in the same state, which wasn’t as big of a concern before, but now that Stern knows that one of the kids is a superpowered fireball, it’s always something lingering in the back of his mind.

No one’s injured yet, thanks to Barclay’s intervention. Aubrey has on a set of kneepads and a helmet, with Barclay admittedly hovering as Jake walks her through doing a kickflip.

Even though she’s barely keeping her balance, she immediately zeroes in on Duck’s presence.

“Ducky!” Aubrey hops off the skateboard and rushes over, wrapping him in a big hug. It’s easy for her to wrapped up in her own little schemes and games, but Aubrey wants to include Duck in everything and is always overjoyed when he joins in. “You came! Do you wanna learn how to do a kickflip?”

Duck flushes. “I already know how to do a kickflip.”

Aubrey’s jaw drops. “ _What?_ You have to show us!” Eyes glimmering, she tugs at his wrist in an attempt to get him to the skateboard. “Come on!”

“Now, hold on!” Barclay says, but any further words are drowned out by Jake and Aubrey’s cheers as Duck agrees to teach them.

Stern takes a step back, allowing Barclay to stymie the chaos. Knowing Stern’s luck, he’d only succeed in riling them up further. Besides, with three kiddos collaborating in a potential disaster, that leaves on the sidelines.

“Hey.” Stern sets a gentle hand on Dani’s shoulder, trying to take it personally when she jumps. “I owe you one.”

Dani shifts under his touch, prompting him to remove his hand. She’s still getting used to praise, and Stern especially doesn’t like overwhelming her. “That’s okay…”

“No, you really helped me out today, Dani. I appreciate it.”

Dani ducks her head to avoid eye contact, but she fiddles with the cuff of her flannel shirt—a tic that gives away just how happy she is. “I couldn’t leave Ducky by himself. Even if I’m not all that fun.”

“Well, I really appreciate it. And I mean it, anything you want—movie night, dinner, dessert—can be your pick.” It’s an empty gesture, he knows, because Dani either gives her turn to Aubrey or, if she feels the littler ones aren’t getting enough attention, Duck and Indrid.

Dani’s eyes stray back to Aubrey and Duck. It’s setting up to be a real recipe for disaster, with Aubrey and Jake hyping up Duck enough to coax him onto the skateboard. Barclay sits back in horror, legs locked like he’s ready to sprint for the first aid kit any second now.

“Can we go to the bookstore sometime?” she asks.

“Of course. Just you and me?”

She takes her eyes off the ensuing chaos and finally makes eye contact. “Is that okay?” She bites her lip, like she’s waiting for him to say no.

Stern gets a sinking feeling that even with their precautions in place, he and Barclay have still managed to overlook someone. “Of course it is. Always.”

Screams erupt from Jake and Aubrey. Duck stands shyly, after what must have been a successful kickflip, as Aubrey and Jake collectively lose their minds at how cool that was. Stern fights back a smile.

“I mean it, kiddo. Next weekend. You and me. We’ll make a day out of it. How’s that sound?”

Dani smiles shyly. It’s easy to see why she looks out for Duck so much. She must see a lot of herself in him. “Good.”

He ruffles her hair.

It’s a mad house.

And Stern wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> mcschnuggles.tumblr.com


End file.
